LINaugral Post of 2012! New Jeremy Lin Nicknames to Feed into this LINsanity

Byron got to blogging recently, so I thought that I would get back to writing too.  Nothing much has happened since I got back from studying in London (which I guess I should probably post about some time soon) – I’m back at UCI, back at Banana Republic, and I still don’t know just what the fudge I’m going to do once I graduate.

On a lighter note, JEREMY “MOTHERFU**IN’” LIN has been living out the dreams of the original Nasty crew – Seth, Chen, Bello, Andrizzle — that is, the dream of being the best Asian American basketball player on God’s green Earthlike sphereoid.

I mean, it’s LINcredible.  Since we were kids, it was just LINgrained in our heads that Asian American kids were smart, modest, hard working, sexless midgets.  I don’t mean to LINsinuate that all Asians thought this way, but even in the mid 2000′s, there were still no Asian American athletes for us to look up to (I’m talking about real sports, not ping pong or some shiet).

I mean, sure we played ball for fun at Gillespie park, Mile square park, and any other dirty park where Samoans and Blacks were safely quarantined several courts over but still within eyesight.  But those games were just for fun.  We all knew some incredible Asian kid who was a legend at his respective high school, but who gave a shat?  We just thought to ourselves, “wow that kid is pretty good at basketball, I wonder what kind of accountant he’ll be when he grows up”.  Asian kids aren’t supposed to ball like this.

These spunky little ankle-biters are spitefully wasting everybody's goddamned time.

Hey, I don’t bear a grudge though.  I’m not the type of Asian guy to hate on other Asian guys when said Asian guys achieve a level of accomplishment or notoriety.  But can we be real, this guy is a hundred-thousand-aire, can we at least get this guy some non-generic band-aids with some stick left on them? I know that this guy is humble – opting to commend and recognize his often underachieving teammates rather than accept the praise and adoration of news reporters. Further fueling his modest, God-fearing, unassuming, nice guy image are reports of him couch surfing on his teammate Landry Fields couch as well as his Asian stereotype brother’s couch.  So we get it!  he’s modest, but camaahhhn man!  This dude buys his band-aids at the swap meet, son!

"I think band-aids are getting too much attention. I just want to keep them in check, so I dressed my wounds with this sheet of one-ply toilet paper"

Also, would it kill a dude to get some hair gel up in there?  Spike that shiet or slick it to the side Far-East-Movement style.

In all Earnest Borgnine though, this kid is LINcredible, his energy and understated bravado is LINfectious.  His fame and notoriety are LINcreasing by ever larger LINcrements — so let’s just LINdulge in this groundbreaking basketball that’s LINfolding (unfolding) in front of our very LINs (eyes).

Who would of thought back then that we’d ever see an Asian kid like us playing ball with the big boys?  I mean, this guy isn’t much too look at – he’s pretty average in most respects, meaning there’s nothing that stands out about the guy at first glance.  But there he was, Friday against the Lakers, blowing past the likes of Derek ‘Depends’ Fisher, Matt ‘ugly mofo’ Barnes, and Steve ‘also an ugly mofo’ Blake, lighting up the Lakers’ – let’s just call it, “defense” for an amazing 38 point exploshLIN in front of a national audience.

“So what did you think of Lin’s impressive play tonight? Follow up question: Did your mom sleep on her stomach when she was pregnant with you?!  GODDAMN! You look like a skeleton with a goatee!”

I’m excited to see how far he goes.  Hey, new year, new posts, new asian dude in the nba – 2012 is looking real good for us gooks.